Days of our lives

 

Wagging tongues definitely make for days of our lives. And how? The social and personal lives of others make for much juicier topics than the many real issues in the world, even crime. This is how social norms are often formed by the opinions expressed in circles of gossip. Can people who are divorced remarry their previous spouses or can a divorced person marry a person who was not married before?

These are the details discussed and analysis are made of the parties to such marriages. Divorce happens. Sometimes the parties are too hasty and do not give reconciliation a chance or it is just a decision that works for them at the time. Circumstances can change afterwards and there is a mutual understanding and agreement to remarry the ex-spouse. What is there to talk about except others may learn from it. Nevertheless, a prayer is welcome. Many-a time these marriages are better than their first stab at marriage. Of course, there are a few that go exactly like the first time they were married to each other. And that is life. There is no problem getting back with your ex-spouse, so negative chatter about it is uncalled for and problematic. People make mistakes in marriage for a number of reasons and marriages fail. These people have not given up on the sanctity of marriage and later remarry someone who may not have been married before. Why is the divorcee’s status important beyond the few that really matter. It may matter to the inner circle if there are children from the previous marriage. Other than that, the normal background check on the prospective spouse is in order. Outsiders should only contribute if they have pertinent information for either party to the marriage. Otherwise, there is no need for talk to be about the previous status of either party. Why must you be like that?

Now let them getting married and pray for them.

 

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Entry Level

 

“Jam and bread” are often considered the minimum to survive on when times are tough. This got me thinking what the minimum needs are to get through life.

It is a tricky question. Parents today look at their kids and it as if they are merely providing them with a base. Daily they send them to school and then the kids return. Some kids go to “slamse skool” or madressa or madrassah in the afternoon. Others might go on a weekend. Some never go. The parents are proud when the pass this grade and the next and so on. So, some parents sit with the kids with their homework and even do their projects. Then there is that thing called exams. However, considering all this, many parents do not really have a clue what their kids learn, whether they fulfil their potential and where they are headed. Of course, people are more clueless when it comes to Islamic studies. The question is still “what is the minimum requirements to get through life?”.  Can you articulate this with respect to yourself and your children? Dare I say that if there is focus, then it is in the wrong place. Were you created to avoid eating jam and bread so that you are not at the poverty line? That is the physical aspect? What is the bread and jam on the religious and spiritual front?

The Muslims have been in the Cape for over three hundred years. How is there no plan, a culture in place that sets the basis for Muslims and those that share similar ethics and morals?  Are we in equipped to pass through this world and exit it into paradise? Are we lacking resources or is it about whether you and I are teachable and are prepared to work together for mutual benefit in this world and beyond? Perhaps, for starters let each one assess his and his family’s situation whether they meet the minimum requirements to go through life. A time to brainstorm, don’t you think?

 

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Koesiestes or koeksusters - That is the Question

 

Koesiestes are not koeksusters. You have to say it like it was meant to be said and how we have come to know it. Cuisine is part of culture. Language is part of culture. Mentality is part of culture?

Strong communities have a strong culture that permeates throughout. That we come from various backgrounds and integrated into our “newfound” environment and land would have impacted culture to some degree. The abolition of apartheid resulted in further integration.  Television, movies and other forms of entertainment certainly have its fair share of eroding culture. Then we have an education system that, while may be taught by members of our community, the system, with its contents, is not ours. You will argue that we have a fair bit of culture left and you will point to titbits  by which few, if any, will define us. We are no longer distinct except, as you say, those titbits. Others will argue that we are South African and that it is right that we are integrated. No major qualms about that except that South Africans do not have a unique culture (more about that another time). And if you believe that diversity is our culture then why use the term “cultural diversity”. And before you get all like “what is your point?”, let me clarify. As Muslims we ought to be at the forefront of all things good. We ought to be standouts and be “the best evolved for mankind”. Yet, here we are, hardly noticeable except if someone needs to add the tag “terrorist” to someone or if there is a Palestinian march. Now the Palestinian, Al-Aqsa, matter is massive, but we cannot be defined by that. We ought to be more than that.

Our language is not unique, and the question is “can it be” with some at least trying to keep in touch with how our forefathers spoke Afrikaans way before anybody else. Our cuisine has integrated and lost its taste as the multinational food franchise products are seemingly more desirable. Our weddings are held at wine farms. If we then go down the list, then there are a few religious rituals “defining” the culture albeit that is holding on by a thread. Dress code does not make the list for culture. Oh, you will be frowning that I don’t mention the klopse and Malay choir as part of culture. I will come back to you on that.

The bottom line is that to make a meaningful impact, there must be a clearly visible culture. A visible culture is part of the fabric of every member of that community. Are we then not just a random group of people and not a community?

 

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Should you boycott?

 

You know when you chat to someone on the phone and the conversation goes something like this:

Person 1: “Where are you?”

Person 2: "I am here, where are you?”

person 1: "I am also here, but I don’t see you”

Person 2: "strange, we are both ‘here’ but not at the same place”

This in reality becomes a mockery and confusion sets in. Now when someone, who is not happy with themselves, tell you to accept them as they are while they themselves don’t accept who they are or if they had some medical intervention, then who they were. Are you confused yet? You have to accept something in place of what they are not accepting. So, what if you accept something that you think they should accept? The world is turned on its head and the perception of reality has been skewed for too many. Marriage has always been between a man and a woman, until fairly recently but by Allah, it is always between a man and a woman. However, only females gave birth to every person currently living and that birth had to have male intervention. Thus, the reproduction of humans happens because of males and females and not males and males, neither females and females. Morals and ethics have been redefined but the nature with which we were created cannot be redefined. The accursed one, satan, is an avowed open enemy to mankind. He has confused some humans to oppose even the very nature with which they were born.

Trade is the financial dealing of goods and services. People are not obliged to patronise a store or a brand and may voluntarily decide how and where to spend their hard-earned money. How can it make sense to spend your money at places which defies even nature and engages in immorality. The sexualisation of innocent children and the messages of confusion from the promoters of LGBT as a means of protecting a minority is unjustified and illogical. Is paedophilia practised by a minority and do they need protection and promotion? Where will this end? It will not end until and unless you follow their way of life. Muslims have rights too and their right is to spend their money at businesses other than the promoters of vice. In fact, Muslims have a duty and moral responsibility to spend their money elsewhere. Muslims have a responsibility to protect their children and to teach them right from wrong.

O Muslim, if you are silent on this matter, then know you will be questioned for your silence on this very matter. O Muslim, supporting the perpetrators and promoters of these immoral people through your economic support will give them a bigger voice and soon it will consume your children. Spread the message and let us be firm on the teachings of Quran and Sunnah.  Know that Allah is the ally of the believers.

 

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How many wives?

 

You know when you sit in a social gathering and there is one guy that knows everything. Nobody seems to disagree with him even though he has no facts. He states his opinion as if it is fact. You all know that guy. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are that guy. Without overstepping religious rulings and law, you can have a discussion on certain matters. A fair example will be polygamy. Most will agree that it is permissible, but many will argue about attaching conditions.

Now, I need to ask the women to bear with me. You often hear almost everyone saying that Islam is the solution and has all the answers. I will make point for argument and debate because we must not be shy to talk openly, but, of course, decently and within the ambit of Shari’ah. If Muslims provided the shield for women such that her honour and dignity is protected and preserved, we will have to do a few things differently. Marriage is one such institution that is the cornerstone of society. However, the standard of living of Muslims are more inclined to this world than the hereafter which means that marriages take place later and later in life. Secondly, the societal-induced demands make marriage and parenting expensive. Immediately, I hear you blame it on the economy. There is some justification in that. But it was not always this drastic. Rather, the local societal norm has not been Islam-centric, except for some of the rituals. I dare say, with the “pace” of life and the focus, that the younger generation may be struggling to know right from wrong. Society, today, is more accepting of new norms which should at least be frowned upon than, as example, accepting polygamy, or more specifically, polygyny. Before anybody gets carried away and marries more wives, there is much to clean up in our society. The cleaning up of society and the promotion of polygyny go hand-in-hand. Of course, the few that are capable, in the full sense of the word, to care for more than one wife properly and correctly, should carry on. For the majority, cleaning up means to improve the education on the subject of gender, marriage, parenting, etc. This must be the start of building our society and improving our overall condition.

I raise the issue of polygyny because it is frowned upon by Muslims of the Cape, in general, while new norms regarding marriage and related subjects are more acceptable to them. Perhaps through healthy discussion everyone can benefit, especially if it is in line with the view that Islam has the solutions.

 

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Authentic us

Captivity is a lonely place. The lonely place is worse if there is no willingness to turn back unless you believe that you deserve to be captured or you are unaware that you are captured. Bear with me and I will explain.

History tells us that there were two colonisers in the cape since the seventeenth century. Both these colonisers brought slaves and labourers to the shores of Africa and subjugated the indigenous people. The early “Cape Malays” rejected their oppression and refused to speak the language of the oppressor, viz Dutch.  Afrikaans was a language that was in defiance of the colonisers. As much as our Afrikaans, which some now call afrikaaps, is still spoken, there was a readiness and eagerness to adopt the language of the second coloniser, specifically in the twentieth century. The ruling class during the apartheid years also successfully took Afrikaans as their language. Language forms a big part of culture and identity. Without our own language, our people readily became captives of the oppressor. With their language, they also introduced us to their schools and their system of education. You will ask “what is wrong with that?” and the answer is simple. We think and talk like them. The solutions we seek is from what they have taught us. Nothing comes from us, from our background and there is a straying from our roots and even faith. Our faith is the cornerstone of our culture, yet our thinking is eroding that too. Were it to be said that the Muslims from Cape Town can make a difference en masse, then clearly it will be hard to draw them in one single direction. Now people will think differently, but the core will be the same. We have bathed in the system of the oppressor and since when is benevolence used to describe an oppressor. But it seems that you are grateful. We cannot turn the clock back but, most importantly, we must come to the realisation that we have been captured and seek to regain something of our identity.

The little we have we must cling onto it. Our faith must be strengthened by giving greater attention to the study and implementation of religion. The smaller things must not easily fall by the wayside, things like the cuisine that is synonymous with us culturally, and the little bit of our Afrikaans. Those who speak other languages, other than the oppressor’s language, must reclaim that and make it common amongst the people. When there is a common cause, purpose, goal then progress is easier. The right culture is strong and protects every member of that group.

 

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Does your tastebuds define your culture

 

A friend of mine separates the different food groups on his plate. After consuming it, these different food groups will end up in the same stomach. I guess for taste, there may be a need but then he does mix it on his fork or hand when he actually eats it. So, it reminds me of a discussion we had in a group last week. No, not about food, but racism.

Racism does not have to be taught consciously but the idea of superiority is something that may be in the culture of a family or a community. Sometimes racism is a subconscious personal choice. Listening to the discussion, you cannot deny that there is racism within the Muslim community. The one that is undeniable, yet some will dispute, is the racism from the apartheid days as we differentiate according to that racial classification. Then there was the deep-rooted racism which has, to a large degree, been overcome but what remains are more than mere remnants. While the colour card is rife, racism is further entrenched in ethnic backgrounds of the Muslim community. The Indian-Malay issue, as example, has made positive progress, but sadly today, there are individuals who scorn the other party and still use derogatory terms.   

In terms of marriage, there may be argument that vastly different cultures can cause issues in marriage. However, there is no need to be prejudiced and act with a level of superiority. With that in mind, address the other party with respect and, in turn, build a culture of love and mutual understanding.  You can easily say that Muslims in Cape Town are not ready for “Bilal” to knock on your door and ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage. If you thrive on racism, then certainly you are gripped by much “ignorance”. Racism cannot be wished away but we must educate and change the mindset. When, you generalise and address matters with a racial bias, then you will not realise the best solution to issues that may face you.

Do you think your tastebuds reveals your ethnicity or do you train your tastebuds to adopt other cultures? By the way, like my friend separating his food groups and it still ends up in the same place, so too will we all, irrespective of ethnic background, end up in a hole when we die. Perhaps even in the same cemetery.

 

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