How many wives?

 

You know when you sit in a social gathering and there is one guy that knows everything. Nobody seems to disagree with him even though he has no facts. He states his opinion as if it is fact. You all know that guy. Sometimes you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are that guy. Without overstepping religious rulings and law, you can have a discussion on certain matters. A fair example will be polygamy. Most will agree that it is permissible, but many will argue about attaching conditions.

Now, I need to ask the women to bear with me. You often hear almost everyone saying that Islam is the solution and has all the answers. I will make point for argument and debate because we must not be shy to talk openly, but, of course, decently and within the ambit of Shari’ah. If Muslims provided the shield for women such that her honour and dignity is protected and preserved, we will have to do a few things differently. Marriage is one such institution that is the cornerstone of society. However, the standard of living of Muslims are more inclined to this world than the hereafter which means that marriages take place later and later in life. Secondly, the societal-induced demands make marriage and parenting expensive. Immediately, I hear you blame it on the economy. There is some justification in that. But it was not always this drastic. Rather, the local societal norm has not been Islam-centric, except for some of the rituals. I dare say, with the “pace” of life and the focus, that the younger generation may be struggling to know right from wrong. Society, today, is more accepting of new norms which should at least be frowned upon than, as example, accepting polygamy, or more specifically, polygyny. Before anybody gets carried away and marries more wives, there is much to clean up in our society. The cleaning up of society and the promotion of polygyny go hand-in-hand. Of course, the few that are capable, in the full sense of the word, to care for more than one wife properly and correctly, should carry on. For the majority, cleaning up means to improve the education on the subject of gender, marriage, parenting, etc. This must be the start of building our society and improving our overall condition.

I raise the issue of polygyny because it is frowned upon by Muslims of the Cape, in general, while new norms regarding marriage and related subjects are more acceptable to them. Perhaps through healthy discussion everyone can benefit, especially if it is in line with the view that Islam has the solutions.

 

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I'm only telling you

Being aware of your speech

You all heard of the saying “silence is golden”, yet silence is generally perceived as anti-social. Watch how awkward people are in quiet moments. They start babbling for the sake of babbling, saying nothing meaningful. Or maybe it is meaningful if their utterances do impact on others and, you know, it is mostly negative. Good stories are boring and hard to tell. Only stories tellers with the gift of embellishment get to turn a boring story into excitement, but then mainly because there are some lies added in. Well lies have become the slip of the tongue for the majority. “I didn’t mean it like that” is an oft-repeated refrain when badmouthing innocence.

But what if you make a good thing sound like a bad thing: “Did you hear …” and then the ears are piqued for the juicy bit to follow. That opening line piques the interest. What is the purpose of mentioning something, in that tone, when it is neither illegal, nor unlawful? It simple creates a sentiment that what is to follow is so wrong. “His wife just died 3 months ago, and he is married again. How can he?”. “I don’t know what really happened, but they are divorced? Wonder what happened there?” “How can she marry such an old guy? His children are almost as old as her”. This is how divorce gets stigmatised, so too polygyny, so to age differences between spouses and so many other matters. If the matter concerns you, then it just right to engage those involved. But to mention this in a company of people with no direct link to such issues, is to create unnecessary restlessness. This further leads to matters of religion overridden by folklore because some auntie or uncle has an opinion other than that of the religion.

When you speak and utter statements that conflict with the sharee’ah, then know and understand it is a transgression. When the other party has done no wrong, then to sit in judgement of that decision, while not directly involved, is a serious problem. Is it that you judge something and comment such that you cast aspersion on the religion and open Islam up for unnecessary criticism? If what transpired between people is permissible, then why the tone and connotation when relating the matter? Why relate the matter at all, especially if you are not soliciting a good prayer for these people that you so harshly speak about. There is no private meeting or group where you are free from the All-seeing Allah.

If you say things to cast aspersion on Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, or his companions, his wives or the religion in general, then can you look forward to meeting him on the day of reckoning? Really, think before you say things about permissible matters as if you think it is wrong.

We pray for guidance and understanding.